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the past couple of days (16th-19th) have been awesome. probably the best consecutive days in college...

Mon, 20 May 2013 05:59:39 -0400

the past couple of days (16th-19th) have been awesome. probably the best consecutive days in college so far.

now my room is cleaned out. weird feels

my beloved watch broke! my wrist feels so empty.

Fri, 17 May 2013 15:43:03 -0400

my beloved watch broke! my wrist feels so empty.

i’m getting asked so many questions nowadays, geez. “annie are you okay? are you okay...

Wed, 15 May 2013 20:02:00 -0400

i’m getting asked so many questions nowadays, geez.

“annie are you okay? are you okay annie?”

man my name isn’t even annie

i’ve been listening to smooth criminal and requiem for a dream exclusively for the past three...

Tue, 14 May 2013 14:21:03 -0400

i’ve been listening to smooth criminal and requiem for a dream exclusively for the past three days

pretty nervous for vector final. it’s been a while since i’ve been stressed out like...

Mon, 13 May 2013 11:35:55 -0400

pretty nervous for vector final. it’s been a while since i’ve been stressed out like this for a test. hopefully i do all right

FINALS

Sun, 12 May 2013 01:57:00 -0400

got a 70% on my 3rd vector calc midterm, prof just posted it this evening and final is on monday morning. it’s kind of a good thing in retrospect because it was a sort of wake-up call (funny because i slept through vector how many times… maybe even into the double-digits) for me to focus on vector.

now i need a 93% for an A in the class.

time to math and math only until monday morning. i already got a significant amount done so yay. let’s keep going!

it ends tuesday. between monday and tuesday i will study for another math final (which i think i’m pretty set on, i need a little less than 80% or so for an A) and write a paper and study for a film final. almost done!!! woohoo~~

edit: i now understand all of the mistakes i made in the midterm. i will now go on to the many practice problems the professor posted. i must and will finish them all by tonight.

You described beneficence theory as "compelling" "super intuitive," something you'd "like to use" I'm saying this cleanly applies to animals, and that "So before you react 'This doesn’t work because no one lives this way and I don’t like the idea of living this way' or in a similar manner, please wait before you think so" is rather hypocritical. Why consume meat(cause suffering) when there are alternatives(sacrifice: eat something else) that do not harm animals? Why is there no moral obligation?

Thu, 09 May 2013 13:46:05 -0400

Hmm, I don’t think I am being hypocritical because I’ve never had exposure to arguments for animal rights. This issue is something that I processed when I read what you wrote. I talked about it briefly with someone else but he disagreed with it and didn’t explain much about it, so I didn’t really consider it.

So I will consider it before I reach a conclusion. I think some additional steps are required to reach the same conclusion for animals (perhaps not as clean in translation as you suggest), so I will think about that. Any reads you might suggest, besides Animal Liberation?

I think you missed much of the post. "1. (Animal) Suffering is bad 2. If I can prevent a bad thing (soon to be chopped up puppies cooped up in filth/forcefed toxins) for from happening by sacrificing something that is less in moral worth than the badness (vegetarianism) that will result from letting the bad thing happen, then I am morally obligated to prevent [it] from happening. 3 Thus, I am morally obligated..." If you are actually drawn to the theory, why doesn't it apply to animals?

Thu, 09 May 2013 13:37:06 -0400

Oh okay. I thought you were using the animal rights argument to poke holes in the way people naively accept beliefs. So you were using it specifically. Okay, got you.

What an ironic post. Replace "I read Famine, Affluence and Morality by Peter Singer recently for" with "I read Animal Liberation by Peter Singer recently for" and you've got yourself another nifty way to turn your life around. I'm not calling you out in particular, but the same things you're saying apply perfectly to yourself and many others. Especially when you talk about the way people react. Funnily enough, the "suffering" Singer describes includes animals. Going on to the summarized argument

Thu, 09 May 2013 03:54:00 -0400

Oh, cynical anon.

I think what you are trying to say is that I am hypocritical in writing these things about not rejecting beliefs outright, considering all philosophies, etc because I am doing the same thing, and that I am being naive when I commit myself to a philosophy like this. And I think you are trying to say that I am not alone in this, but that many others are hypocritical and naive in the same way.

I also think you’re assuming that I would reject Singer’s animal rights argument without thinking about it. I think that’s a wrong assumption to make.

Anyway, I need the reminder every once in a while, so thanks. I always feel super self-righteous whenever I write one of these posts so it’s always good to get a reminder that I’m just another silly person. I agree that it’s something everyone needs to work on because human belief is pretty darn fragile and malleable. Put people in a Christian household and environment. See how easy it is to convert them. I am the same way. I’m pretty sure I can’t process all philosophies and determine which one is truly right in an unbiased manner. Perhaps if I read a brilliant response to Singer that concludes that ethical egoism is the way to go, then I may go with it just because I read it more recently and it was written brilliantly. We are all biased and ignorant in some ways (at least I am). We choose our beliefs, really. Peter Singer’s theory of beneficence just struck me in a particular way. It’s something that I found compelling and would like to choose. It’s also super intuitive to me so I’m drawn to it.

I also think you’re demeaning me because you don’t think I’ll follow through on “turning my life around”. Oh Anon, I am trying. I am trying.

Let me know if you want to talk more. I may not know much but I will always try.

"Instead of trying to understand... many people reject it upon hearing in a pretty visceral manner. They say that this has to be wrong. Why? Because this argument would attack our ways of living. We must find a way to counterargue not for the sake of logical error in Singer’s argument but for the sake of preservation of our lifestyles. So before you react “This doesn’t work because no one lives this way and I don’t like the idea of living this way” or in a similar manner, please wait" hmmm... ;)

Thu, 09 May 2013 03:47:00 -0400

I try not to viscerally reject any philosophy because it feels too distant or wrong. I don’t recall doing so for the animal rights issue (I haven’t even read Singer’s animal rights work and only briefly talked about it with someone else). I hope I haven’t gotten that message across.

Perhaps I did so for another issue? Not sure but I don’t think so. Tell me if I have.

Some thoughts

Thu, 02 May 2013 00:24:00 -0400

I read Famine, Affluence and Morality by Peter Singer recently for philosophy class. It argues the following (simplified):

Suffering is bad.
If I can prevent a bad thing from happening by sacrificing something that is less in moral worth than the badness that will result from letting the bad thing happen, then I am morally obligated to prevent the bad thing from happening.
Therefore, I am morally obligated donate all the money I don’t need to charities and relief funds to prevent suffering.

This is a very strong (and pretty strictly utilitarian) argument, and it’s unlikely that many people will accept it in this form. But I am struck by the reactions it elicits from people. Instead of trying to understand and absorb it, many people reject it upon hearing in a pretty visceral manner. They say that this has to be wrong. Why? Because this argument would attack our ways of living. We must find a way to counterargue not for the sake of logical error in Singer’s argument but for the sake of preservation of our lifestyles.

So before you react “This doesn’t work because no one lives this way and I don’t like the idea of living this way” or in a similar manner, please wait before you think so.

I would like to say here that I don’t completely agree with this argument myself. Singer is too impartial in moral judgment; his argument implies that I should value the life of my daughter (I don’t have a daughter dwai) equally to the life of a starving Bengali child if their deaths would decrease aggregate utility equally. So the part that I’m worried about is the “sacrificing something of comparable moral worth” part in number 2. Singer’s scale with which he compares is too impartial for my liking.

However, my objection only stands in murky situations, such as a situation in which I could either save my daughter’s life or the lives of two foreign children who are very loved by their parents, perhaps. My objection does not stand in situations in which I could either save a life and mitigate malaria for many (this costs about $2000 by the way) or buy a macbook pro with retina display, because the respective moral values of the two are obviously greatly different.

This conclusion is really profound for me. I am not utilitarian; I believe there are other criteria for morality than pleasure in one degree. But I do agree that I am morally obligated to prevent bad things from happening and promote good things to happen, however we define those terms. And suffering is pretty obviously bad. If this argument holds (for most cases, like the macbook case) then I am morally obligated to carry out the idea that I accept intellectually. Which is pretty darn radical.

I’ve been thinking about what I should do with my life (deep, I know) and I’m at a place where I’m starting to detach myself more from my own life. I feel that I’m mostly stable enough to sort of self-generate happiness and contentment. Then maybe I can spend less effort maintaining myself and more effort helping others. Maybe it’s time to move on from what makes me happy to what I am morally obligated to do. Maybe it’s time to explore religion and try to find God, not because it makes me relieved or happy to do so (I am tired of it now), but because I am morally obligated to keep trying to get closer to the truth beyond humans, whatever that could be. Maybe it’s time to help others not only because it makes me happy to do so, but also because I am morally obligated to do it. So far, this gives meaning to my life in a different sense. I still retain the egoist purpose of life, of course. But as I’m trying to move away from that, I feel like good things are happening. I am starting to let go of pride, of irrational value of life, of resentment toward others, of irrational judgment of value, etc. because I’m trying to see my own life as a duty and a moral tool rather than an empty vessel that I try to bloat with pleasure.

Being alone a lot this year has hurt me in some ways, but it’s been good, too. Some thoughts regarding life and my reading for philosophy.

I strongly encourage everyone to read Singer’s essay for yourselves and see if you accept any version of it.

By the way, here are some pictures of my hot bod

combinatorics real analysis abstract algebra (groups and rings) fundamentals of computer science i...

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 12:12:00 -0400

combinatorics
real analysis
abstract algebra (groups and rings)
fundamentals of computer science

i am going all in

studio ghibli + last scene so many feels

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 00:51:40 -0400

studio ghibli + last scene

so many feels

“My heart is stronger now that you’re in it” warm fuzzies

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 19:21:48 -0400

“My heart is stronger now that you’re in it”

warm fuzzies

"The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: “O..."

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 04:48:45 -0400

“The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you — O Absalom, my son, my son!””

- 2 Samuel 18:33

Man, no matter what I believe, it gets me every time.

I haven’t been actively thinking about serving people, about being nice, about being good to...

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 03:17:15 -0400

I haven’t been actively thinking about serving people, about being nice, about being good to others. I’ve just been worried about my own problems of friends and social status. Must focus on the right things even when there are problems.

Deliver Us From Evil

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 03:07:30 -0400

The following is my notes about Deliver Us From Evil that I wrote approximately a year ago. I planned to polish them and publish, but I will not do so.

Power corrupts.

A Catholic priest, Oliver O’Grady, is a paedophile. He doesn’t like women, he doesn’t like men, he likes children. Whatever sex. And he can’t help it or anything. He was found over and over again to have molested children, and the Bishop just kept moving him from parish to parish. The third time or so, O’Grady, through professional counseling, came to realize that what he was doing must be stopped. Before, he knew that what he was doing was wrong, but his urges got the better of him. After counseling, he realizes that he is uncontrollable. He said himself that he would’ve wanted the Bishop to let go of him.

What Cardinal Mahony did is he picked his own career, he picked power and glory over children. It’s like the scene in the Gospel where it says that Satan took Christ to the top of a mountain and showed him all the glory of the world and said, “This can all be yours if you bow down to me.” And I think this is what he did.

9 months was his youngest victim.

Bella figura.

“Have you ever been diagnosed with dissociative disorder?”

“I’m sure that I fit the category for a lot of disorders. Whatever they are, you name them, I’ll — I’ll jump.”

This guy is a monster. He had sex with the mom to get to the child. Lolita-esque.

“He held my head down and fucking sodomized me, right there… right there. That’s not easy to say, you know. Fuck, for years, I never even spoke of it…” -the Howard boy

“I said ‘Did he ever touch —’ And she said yes. And the whole world collapsed.”

They trusted him so much. How could he do this?

“It’s futile to ask, ‘How can this be? How can this happen?’ The system, the monarchical, hierarchical system…” — Tom Doyle

“I’m approaching 40, and it’s still not over…” — Ann

“I asked her, why didn’t you tell us earlier, why? and her answer was to me… that i used to say that anybody who tried to hurt you, i would kill him! i shouldn’t have made that statement… she wouldn’t say anything!

she asked a little girl what would happen if your dad killed somebody, and she said he would go to jail forever and ever and ever. and she said, ‘that day i decided i could never tell anybody, because i knew dad would kill him.’

The Catholic Church is like a damn mafia. There was only one person who could rat out Roger Mahony, the Bishop of Stockton at the time who covered up Oliver O’Grady, and that was O’Grady himself. And the night before O’Grady was scheduled to testify against Mahony, Mahony’s lawyers went to O’Grady’s cell and struck up a shady deal for O’Grady not to testify and they’ll take care of him. And he took it. Is this the Church or a gang?

The documentary made a similar quip when Frank Keating (former Oklahoma governor) compared the Catholic Church to La Cosa Nostra (The Sicilian mafia).

Tom Doyle — respect.

Bishops and priests or any leader of any Christian institution is not mandated by anything in the Bible to be celibate. But what happened is that bishops, when they died, would hand over their money to their oldest sons. The Church wanted that inheritance, so they started mandating celibacy for priests and whatnot. That’s ridiculous.

10% of priests that came out of St. John’s Seminary or something have been paedophiles. That’s ridiculous.

Oliver O’Grady is clueless. He has NO IDEA what he did to his victims. He wrote all of them letters, asking them to talk to him. He said that he doesn’t expect them to hug him, but it’d be nice if they shake hands with him. He said he wants to let them get on with their lives, and he thinks they will want the same for him too. Are you joking me? He’s living in Ireland without his community knowing that he’s an offender.

The documentary closes on a note of the victims’ faith. Their faiths in religion and even God were crushed by this one man. And it ends with the song Hallelujah — my favorite song.

happiness can be willed PAIN IS IN THE MIND -eric jang

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 23:59:52 -0400

happiness can be willed

PAIN IS IN THE MIND -eric jang

i’m trying to play go. it’s so difficult! i also think super slow so it’s even...

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 03:15:29 -0400

i’m trying to play go. it’s so difficult! i also think super slow so it’s even harder since online games are timed. does anyone play go? PLAY WITH ME???

we made paper flowers in jumpstart today. breanna was sad because her flower was wilting (it was...

Fri, 15 Mar 2013 02:20:37 -0400

we made paper flowers in jumpstart today. breanna was sad because her flower was wilting (it was really because she was holding it at the very end of the stem, so naturally it will slump) so one of our team members told her it would grow and be pretty if she gave it water.

an hour later during play time, everyone else goes to play in the playground and stuff, but breanna fetches a red bucket with her flower in her hand and starts filling it up with water. i don’t know why she’s doing it but she’s clumsy because she’s freaking three years old so i help her. i ask her what she’s doing and she trots off with her bucket and says, “i think i need some dirt.” by that time i realize why she is filling up the bucket and am laughing inside.

soon i come back to her and she’s sad because her red paper flower is soaked and dripping with red water. she’s such a cool kid though and she doesn’t care. she just plays with water the rest of the time.